I wanna passion pit in your ass
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
