8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can vaginas get frostbite?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
