Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
