broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
