think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
