dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
