Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm really busy with my period
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
