remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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