don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She even gives head with a lisp.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
