nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
