I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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