This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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