I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
