Cold hands, warm shart.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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