This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
