its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's always time for handjobs
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
