At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
