I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
