Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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