You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
