I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love you. Go after that dick
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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