Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
