i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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