chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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