How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
