Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
