I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Someone shit on the floor
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
