You don't have asthma, your pregnant
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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