I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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