I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Watching her eat just hurts me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
