If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
