Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
