I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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