Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
