dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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