My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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