Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
