pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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