i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
