Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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