i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
