you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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