ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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