I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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