before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
