i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
