new low.... made out with someone while peeing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
