i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
