Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
