dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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