I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
