I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
